Staying Positive

Well I don't think that I had really ever read a blog until yesterday and today I am making my own! Last week I took Peyton to the eye doctor and I was told that she has a cataract that needs to be removed ASAP.  In my quest for more information I found the blog of another mom whose child is going through the same thing.  I was getting very frustrated finding only statistics (which were quite negative) and I was in desperate need of finding a positive story of a child with a cataract.  That is when I stumbled upon this other mom's blog.  It was so comforting to know that we were not alone.  It also seemed like maybe it is therapeutic to write out your thoughts and feelings when faced with an adversity like this. So that is why I decided to start a blog!

Let me first just give a brief overview of our family and then I will get in to Peyton's eye.  Leah was a very planned baby.  She was conceived using fertility drugs and shots and lots of prayers.  I actually have a picture of Leah when she was just an egg (not even an embryo yet)....CRAZY!  She is a beautiful, smart, healthy little two year old.  I distinctly remember last December saying to Eric something like, " I would so rather have a surprise baby than go through all that fertility mess again!".  Well even though I wasn't quite ready, God must have been listening because a month later, we learned that I was pregnant again! I was very excited, but also very nervous and strangely I felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt.  Guilty that I was not going to be able to give as much of myself to either child.  But after speaking to numerous people with children close in age, I realized that this is a blessing.  They are going to be BEST friends.   Especially since they are both girls. After what seemed like a very long pregnancy, Peyton arrived in September.  She is absolutely beautiful.  The word that I always find myself using to describe her is "sweet".  She is just the sweetest little baby.  Leah is sweet too, but in a different way.  Leah is a total ham and loves to get attention.  I don't feel like Peyton is going to be like that.  She is more of a calm, shy, relaxing sweet.  Yes, it is tough having two kids 20 months apart, but I am looking forward to the days when they will dress up and play princesses like me and my big sister did.

Now to Peyton's eye. We noticed very early on that Peyton's left eye wandered quite a bit.  I even mentioned it to her pediatrician at her one month and two month appointments, but I guess it is quite normal for an eye to wander early on.  I even called the eye doctor and was told to wait and let my pediatrician look her over.  I should have listened to my instincts and taken her in anyways.  By the time her four month appointment came along, her eye was not wandering as much (maybe she had started to give up on it), but my pediatrician noticed her right eye not focusing.  She sent me to a pediatric ophthalmologist just to be sure.  I got her the first possible appointment which just happened to be Leah's birthday.  I told Eric he did not need to go with me because I fully expected them to just tell me that she had a lazy eye.  I thought maybe we would do a little patching and possibly surgery and she would be fine.  Little did I know that he would drop a total bomb on me.  After examining her eyes for what seemed like forever, he sat me down and told me that my precious little four month old baby had a cataract in her left eye.  That she would need surgery immediately in order to save her vision.  That she would probably have to wear a contact, have multiple surgeries, and have life long issues with her vision.  The analogy he used was, "it is like a very steep mountain and the surgery is just the foothills".  Peyton has a congenital unilateral cataract.  Meaning that she was born with it and it is only in one eye.  Yes I am glad that it is not in both eyes, but they say that having one is actually more difficult than two.  I am not sure why, maybe because she does have vision in her right eye, she has started giving up on that left eye.  We have been patching her good eye every other day which is tough because it more or less leaves her blind since she can't really see out of her left eye.  She goes for surgery on Thursday morning.   I will learn more about the journey ahead of us then.  Everyone keeps telling me how simple cataract surgery is.  Yes, cataract surgery is simple for a grown adult whose vision has been established for decades.  For a small baby who has never known what it is like to see clearly, not so simple.  The ideal age for this surgery is said to be between 6 weeks and 3 months.  Peyton will be one week shy of five months when she undergoes surgery.  I know it is just an eye and not a heart or some other life threatening problem, but I can't help but find myself on the verge of tears at every moment thinking about how unfair it is that my sweet baby girl is going to suffer through this adversity.  I would take it from her in a second if I could, but I know that she will be a stronger person for it.  I am so thankful for the incredible, loving support from our family and friends.  I am thankful for the prayers from friends, family, and even strangers.  I am thankful that God is going to heal my baby and one day soon she will see clearly out of both of her eyes.

For anyone reading this, please pray for Peyton.  Please pray for Dr. Lipsky to perform a perfect surgery on her and that she have no negative side effects as a result of it.  Please pray that her vision be corrected and for Eric and I to have patience through the long road that we have ahead of us.

I will update with the good news after her surgery!